


letting go

by jaewinist



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, M/M, Song Inspired, jaewin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25714639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaewinist/pseuds/jaewinist
Summary: i’d been holding on to you for so long, but now i must let gothere’s nothing i can do for youit’s the only way to make you happyso I let go, let go, let goheavily inspired by day6 - letting go<3
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	letting go

**Author's Note:**

> write it out of impulse at 2am, my craving to write angst, and also lowkey inspired by this [tweet](https://twitter.com/bituinan/status/1289825549024722944?s=20) and ofc jaewin reunion!!!!!!!!
> 
> i obviously dedicate this to my lovely jaewin nation, and i hope you all enjoy this one as much as i do enjoy writing it;-; obv un-beta ed hehehe
> 
> thank you for taking your time reading my fics♡

Sicheng sat down on the stool next to the bar. He looks around to see if there’s someone he’s waiting for around. Thankfully, he still didn’t see him. He calmly ordered a vodka, he definitely needed some push from the alcohol tonight. It’s indeed been awhile since he last met with his significant other, and after having some thoughts, he decides he’ll have to talk with him as soon as possible, for the sake of themselves. He takes a deep breath and finally takes a sip from his glass. Indeed, he’s actually not a fan of the alcohol, he didn’t like the lingering bitter taste on his mouth. He carefully puts back his glass, and suddenly he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“What’s with the deep sigh?” 

Sicheng turns around to see the one he’s been waiting for finally arrived. He takes his hand from his shoulder, and gives it a squeeze, “It’s actually nothing.”

“Sweet heart, you know I could see right through you right?” The latter finally takes a sit beside him, and turns around to face him.

“Jaehyun, I’m fine. Just… I miss you.” Sicheng gives Jaehyun an assuring smile. Even though they both are not sure if it’s actually assuring, Jaehyun finally let it off the hook.

“I miss you more.” Jaehyun smiles, kissing Sicheng’s forehead softly. “Anyway, what’s with the vodka? You’re not a fan of it.” 

“Oh, this.” Sicheng gestures at his glass. “Nothing, just feels like I want to have some vodka tonight.”

Jaehyun can’t pretend anymore, he slowly lifts Sicheng’s head up, and looks him in the eyes, “Sicheng baby, you know you could always tell me everything right?”

Sicheng shies away from the gaze, he decides it’s better if he looks at the ground instead.

“It’s just… I don’t know Jaehyun. It’s so hard. I practice enough already at home, but when I’m here I actually don’t know how to say this.” Sicheng shakes his head slowly. No, after seeing the face that he loves so much, he definitely can’t drop the news.

“Hey, it’s just me. Just say it Sicheng.” Jaehyun takes Sicheng’s hand on his, trying to assure him with the circular motion with his thumb.

“I keep thinking shall I say it or not, but… you know. It’s actually been awhile since I last saw you. We’ve both been so busy with our own works. And during that time, I got a call from my boss, he offered me to work in a better place.” Sicheng starts to explain.

“Oh that’s good!” Jaehyun smiles at him, indeed the most beautiful smile Sicheng has ever seen. “Where to?”

“New Zealand.” 

“Oh… At least you have your sister there right?” Jaehyun still keeps his smile. “It’s official that we’re going to be in a long distance relationship then.”

“Baby, I’ve been having these thoughts. And I guess I should tell you now.” Sicheng now finally faces Jaehyun, putting his hand to cup Jaehyun’s cheeks, studying his beautiful eyes one more time. “You know that I love you so much right? I love you so much to the point that I don’t think I’m able to live my life without you in it. I always have an urge to just be there beside you all the time. And with our schedules now, I don’t think I’m able to do that. Yes, I know, of course we could still contact each other, but I’m afraid that I’ll be a burden to you for keeping in contact with me. I know you’re busy, we both are. I’m scared with our situations now, that I only ended up getting in your way to really pursue your success and happiness. I truly love you Jaehyun. The only thing I wish for every single night is for you to be happy, even if that means without me.”

“Wait… Are you implying….” Jaehyun quickly cuts Sicheng off, and it seems like he doesn't want to hear the rest of Sicheng’s words.

“Yes. Jaehyun, you’re literally my sun, my moon, I love you endlessly during day and night. And once again I just wish you happiness. I don’t think we’re on the same road anymore. I guess…. I should just let you go. I’ve been holding on to you for too long. I believe that this is the only way for you to be happy.” Sicheng now can’t face Jaehyun anymore, as the tears almost fall down.

“Sicheng, I get what you mean. But what if I’m perfectly fine with this? Can we just fix this?” Jaehyun’s voice sounds weak on his ears.

“I remember everything we’ve done together, and it’s indeed hard. But holding onto you will do you no good Jaehyun. I want you to just enjoy your life, your work, without having me as a burden. We can no longer wish for our happy ending. But, don’t worry my love. Pain is only temporary, I’m sure you’ll find someone who could make you happier than I am. That’s the kind of love you totally deserve, with someone who could make you happier, and could be there beside you.” Sicheng sure his tears were flowing down already.

“But please promise me, you should be happy too, wherever you are, and whoever you are with.” Jaehyun wipes his tears away. “The only way for me to be happy is for you to be happy as well.”

Sicheng nods slowly, “I hope that you don’t forget to love yourself too Jaehyun. You’re such an amazing man, and you’re so full of love for everyone arounds you, but you sometimes forget to love yourself.”

“I will.”

They both just sit in silence, both drowning on their own thoughts. 

“When will you leave?” Jaehyun asks.

“This weekend.”

“Can I please send you home for one last time though?” Jaehyun requests. Sicheng could never say no to this beautiful man next to him, so he got up from his seat, and took Jaehyun’s hand in his.

“Let’s go home.”

Jaehyun calmly walks down next to him, holding Sicheng’s hand tightly to keep it warm. He would occasionally swing their hands together too, drawing chuckles from Sicheng.

“Hmm?” Jaehyun looks at him as he chuckles.

“Nothing, you’re such a baby.” Sicheng giggles, pointing at their joint hands.

“Your baby.” Jaehyun smiles, displaying his dimples.

“My beautiful baby.” Sicheng pinches his cheek softly.

They both just laughed, and after a 10 minutes walk, they finally arrived at Sicheng’s apartment.

“Here we are.” Jaehyun announces.

“Yeah, it’s cold outside, do you wanna come in for a bit? I have your favourite tea in stocks.” Sicheng giggles.

“Really? I’m in then.” Sicheng then promptly opened the door.

“Oh wow, it’s indeed been awhile since I came here.” Jaehyun says, as Sicheng lets him in.

“Hmm… It’s okay, I know you’re busy.” Sicheng quickly takes off his coat, and makes a hot tea for both of them.

After making the tea, he puts it down on the table in front of his couch. Jaehyun smiles at him and thanks him, he then sips it slowly.

“Be careful, your tongue could burn, it’s still hot.” Sicheng warns him, slowly settling himself next to Jaehyun.

“I got you anyway to soothe it.” Jaehyun shrugs so carelessly.

“Jaehyunnie.” Sicheng whines.

“I’m sorry. Yes, we’re only friends, and I’m playing no games, I’m here only for the tea, and I’ll get home soon.” Jaehyun quickly apologizes. Listening to the words from Jaehyun hurt a tad bit more than Sicheng expected, but well, it’s for the best for them both.

Jaehyun finishes his tea quicker than usual, and Sicheng feels he’s still not ready to let him go. 

“I’m going home now, okay?” Jaehyun takes his coat and gets ready to wear it again.

Sicheng slowly makes his way to Jaehyun, and hugs him tightly from behind, “Isn’t here your home too?”

Jaehyun sighs, and he turns around to hug Sicheng from the front, “Baby…”

“I know. I know I’m the one who insists on letting you go, but I’m not ready. I’m scared once you get out of that door, you’ll just forget everything, and throw away every memory we had together, I can't. I'm so sorry.” Sicheng truly cries now. Jaehyun calmly soothes his back without saying any words.

“Sicheng.” Jaehyun calls him softly.

Sicheng looks up to see Jaehyun smiling, with tears on his face, “I love you.”

And that’s enough to make Sicheng cry even more. Jaehyun smiles sadly at him, before finally planting a kiss on his lips, trying to pacify his cry. Sicheng takes that as a chance to just deepen their kiss, this could be the last time he kisses Jaehyun anyway. Things indeed got escalated so fast, Sicheng’s back pressed to the wall. Sicheng still sobs a little, but Jaehyun calmly explores his mouth once again. Giving Sicheng a tiny kitten licks, sucking on his bottom lips, just like how he likes it. Jaehyun’s kiss travels downwards to Sicheng’s neck. Sicheng is always sensitive on his neck, he feels like his legs are about to give up.

“Please, bedroom.”

Jaehyun hears that, and he quickly lifts Sicheng up and brings him to the bedroom. Jaehyun slowly lays Sicheng down, and he quickly bends down and cages Sicheng’s body so his face is close to Sicheng now. 

“Have I told you you’re beautiful today?” Jaehyun asks, obviously admiring Sicheng.

Sicheng whines, trying to pull Jaehyun down by his neck. 

“Are you sure baby?” Jaehyun once again asks for his consent now.

Sicheng quickly nods, just wanting to have Jaehyun’s lips pacify him again. So Jaehyun finally kisses him again, their lips meeting in the middle. They pour out their feelings on this kiss. Jaehyun kisses him passionately and he accidentally bite his lips a bit too hard.

“Aww, it hurts.” Sicheng pouts.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Jaehyun threw himself to the bed and finally just lay next to Sicheng, holding him close. 

“I said it hurts Jaehyun.” Sicheng slowly pulls him closer and cries again. “It hurts so bad.”

“I’m so sorry… I thought I didn’t bite that hard?” Jaehyun tries to inspect Sicheng’s lips, but he hides his face on Jaehyun’s chest.

“It hurts a lot.” Sicheng still cries.

“It’s not about the bite huh?” Jaehyun finally senses something.

Sicheng shakes his head, and buries it even more to Jaehyun’s chest, “It hurts a lot. But I can’t do anything about this, this is for the best. I know that. But why does it hurt a lot, Jaehyun. Why did we drift apart like this? I’m so sorry I’m supposed to be strong, but I can’t.”

Jaehyun just holds him while resting his head on Sicheng’s head, “I know baby, I know. You’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Stay strong for yourself and for me, okay?” 

Sicheng takes a deep sigh, “Stay with me tonight?”

Jaehyun definitely can’t decline it, as he nods, holding Sicheng close in his embrace.

“Sicheng.” Jaehyun whispers.

“Hmm?” 

“I promise you, even though I don’t have you physically, I’ll always have you in my heart.” 

“My heart would always belong to you too.” Sicheng softly replies.

Jaehyun plants a kiss on Sicheng’s forehead, and he rubs his back slowly, he finally lets the silence drifts them both away to sleep.

And when the next day comes, Sicheng wokes up with no one beside him.

* * *

It’s been 4 years since Sicheng left. And now his work in New Zealand finished, he’s finally come back to Korea. He quickly settles down on his old apartment again, as he actually owns it and no one lives there, so it’s really not a big deal. He contacts his old friend to have a reunion dinner tonight, and after that he heads down to the mini market near his apartment. He found that there’s only 5 bottles of sojus left, and when he is about to reach it all out, a hand reaches out for it too.

Sicheng is about to make a speech on how he really needs that soju when he realize, it’s the love of his life.

“Jaehyun.” Sicheng sure sounds breathless as he speaks.

The latter smiles so wide at him, “Welcome home Sicheng.”

Sicheng ends up buying 1 bottle of soju to share with Jaehyun in his apartment, he could always buy other marts for his friends later.

“So, how are you?” Sicheng opens the conversation.

“I’ve been well. Thanks to you.” Jaehyun smiles.

“Oh.. It’s great then.” Sicheng probably blushed just at the sight of Jaehyun’s smile, it’s been awhile and he truly misses it. “So… Are you in a relationship now?”

“Ohh? Straight forward?” Jaehyun chuckles, making Sicheng blush even more. He forgot how annoying Jaehyun is when he teases him.

“Shut up, and just answer my question.” Sicheng whines.

Jaehyun laughs, and when he stops, he looks at Sicheng softly, “How could I be in a relationship when I only have this one specific person inside of my heart for the longest time?”

Sicheng seems stunned with Jaehyun’s answer, “Well, how about you?”

“I’m keeping my heart for one specific person too, so I’m glad he’s still available now.” Sicheng gazes down at his soju glass. 

“I’m keeping my promise to always keep you inside of my heart.” Jaehyun grins. 

“I’m a lucky one then.” Sicheng mirrors his grin, and slowly brings his face closer to Jaehyun, and kisses him slowly. 

This definitely feels right. He’s glad that God is planning on having them both as each other's soulmate, because he would never love anyone else as much as he loves Jaehyun. At least, he’s content with having Jaehyun beside him again, they’ll absolutely make this one work again. 

**Author's Note:**

> you reach the end!! finally its a short one teehee, hopefully you enjoy it! i might or might not cry writing this hahaha
> 
> hit me on [twt](https://twitter.com/jaewinbfs) or [cc](https://curiouscat.me/monbaebae) and lets be friends!


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